


Locked in Eternity

by the_hyrule_shinigami



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Multi Chapter, etc etc you know the drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 03:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_hyrule_shinigami/pseuds/the_hyrule_shinigami
Summary: Three thieves,Two detectives,One author,Zero clue.





	1. Super-technological-A.I-robot-thingy-ma-jig

**Author's Note:**

> (If you are only into one of the two shows, I would still encourage you to read on! I've made it accessible for people in only one of the fandoms, and heck maybe this'll convince you to check out the other!)
> 
> Hello! This is my first attempt at fic for both of these two shows, so lmk if my characterisation fits!  
> If you enjoyed it, leave a comment below!
> 
> Setting (canon wise):
> 
> DG:  
> Set some time after season 2 ends, and so long as nothing too extremely plot twist-y happens in the final episode (which hasn't come out yet at the time of me writing this), this should fit directly with canon.
> 
> TPP:   
> Imagine everything didn't happen on Mars, and instead happened in Seattle. I'd tell you to maybe imagine the sci-fi toned down a little but this is a seattle where time travel and soul swapping is a thing so, eh, the lines are a little blurred. This fic should fit almost completely with the canon chain of events.

_“Leave him! We’ve made enough noise already – we’ve got what we came for, let’s just get out of here!”_

_“Wait – my sword! They’ll know us by it – let me retrieve it!”_

_“Hurry!”_

 

*

 

“… Turns out, the mayor was insane. Got themselves obsessed with some fantasy city in the old sewer system, or something. Not that our _alternative_ is much of an improvement.” Juno grumbled, pouring coffee into two mugs. “Urgh, politicians.”

“Sounds fascinating. I have to say, your cases have taken a turn for the peculiar recently.”

Juno chuckled, “Well, maybe you could write a few down. Get that next novel out.”

He heard a deep sigh from the other room, and smirked.

“Juno, I appreciate you still coming to visit me after all this time.” The old man smiled, his eyes squinting through his spectacles. Juno walked over from the kitchen carrying the mugs and placed them on the man’s desk.

“It’s no trouble, Guy – after what you did for _me_ this is the least I can do.” He sat down in front of Guy’s desk, and sipped from his own mug. He added: “I kinda figured you don’t get many visitors anyway.”

“No – well, not on social calls. I must spend half my life up to my ears in _publishers_.” He said the last word in a similar tone to how Juno had said ‘politicians’. He played with a black ink pen between his fingers, thoughtfully. “I don’t know why _they_ of all people think they could convince me to write.” He screwed his nose up, “The mere _thought_ of writing a sequel…”

Juno licked his lips, unable to keep the question back, “Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking…”

Guy raised one shoulder and looked away, “I have no other stories to tell. I suppose I’m something of a ‘one-hit-wonder’.”

_And what a wonder it was_ , Juno thought to himself, taking another gulp of coffee. Guy’s first and only novel: ‘Locked in Eternity’ had won almost every award possible – topping best seller’s lists for months on end and had rarely fallen below the 10th spot ever since – almost 3 years ago. To say it had been a cultural phenomenon would be an understatement – yet despite all this, Guy had stubbornly refused to sell any TV or film rights – or even to write a sequel.

“They’re not _all_ too terrible – the publisher’s visits, I mean.” Guy continued, “I mean, some of them have pretty clearly never even opened the novel – just wanting to capitalize on the success - but others do have some… _interesting_ ideas about where the story goes.” He chuckled.

Juno cocked his head to one side, and looked at him suspiciously, “Why do you talk like that?”

“Like… what?”

“Like… like you know how the story ends. Like it’s some private joke.” Juno chose his words carefully, “If it’s so clear to you… what exactly is there stopping you from writing- !”

“It’s getting late.” Guy cut him off, abruptly. “You should be getting home.”

Juno sighed, getting up from his chair, “Sorry, Guy, I didn’t mean – oh forget it. Thanks for the coffee. I’ll drop by again in a few days.” He retrieved his coat from the couch.

“Juno… wait.”

He turned back in the doorway to face the old man, eyes firmly rooted to his fidgeting hands. He seemed to be engaged in some kind of intense internal conflict.

“The reason… I’m not writing again…the problem ain’t that I don’t know where the story goes, it’s just…” He exhaled, rubbing the bridge of his nose, and looked up with a tight smile. “It wouldn’t sell too well.”

Juno blinked, unsure of what to do with that. 

“Uh, right. I see.”

He didn’t.

He left the apartment, closing the door carefully behind him, and walked to the elevator.

 

*

 

Guy removed his glasses and rested his head in his hands. _Sorry, Juno. I can’t give you more than that_. He pulled a golden pendant out from under his shirt and rolled it between two fingers, smiling faintly. He tucked it back in its place, and pushed himself up from his desk to go to bed, before something flew through the window, smashing it to pieces.

He yelled, and threw his arms up to protect his eyes, stumbling backwards into his chair. When no other sounds followed, he gradually lowered his arms only to find himself staring into the blank face of a masked figure, just inches from his own. He tried to scream again, but a thick black glove shot up to clamp itself over his mouth.

 

*

 

Juno was just leaving the building, when he reached into the pockets of his jacket to find them empty. _Oh God dammit. Left my stupid gloves up there._ He groaned, and turned back into door. He saw the briefest flash of something shiny in his peripheral vision.

“… Thea? Did you get that?”

_Video capture was: Not engaged. Would you like me to scan the area for hostiles?_

Juno shook himself, “Nah, don’t bother.” _I’m getting far too jumpy,_ he thought to himself. He pushed open the glass door, and stepped back into the building.

 

*

 

The elevator’s doors opened, and Juno stepped out into the hallway. One of the bulbs overhead had blown, and he made a mental note to mention it to the landlord before he left. He approached apartment 12, calling out: “Hey Guy it’s me – I’m sorry, I left my gloves behind.”

Silence.

Confused, he tried again: “Guy? You ok?”

_Silence._

Concerned, he drew his gun. He couldn’t have been gone longer than 5 minutes. He went to barge open the door, but it creaked on its hinges and moved easily.

He took all but one step into the room before stopping dead, jaw slackening.

Paper was strewn all over the apartment, every drawer had been flung open, spilling contents across the room. The couches had been ripped apart, tables overturned and paintings torn from their frames. The fancy sword Guy kept on a plaque above his desk was missing, but in the center of all the mayhem, was Guy. A sword - _the_ sword, protruded from the back of his skull, pinning him face first to his desk, a pool of blood spreading, crawling across the desk.

Juno wretched, steadying himself on the doorframe. He felt dizzy, and sick. He forced himself forwards, careful to avoid the chaos scattered across the floor, his left hand clamped over his mouth, and the other still gripping his gun.

“… Guy?” His voice shook, muffled by his palm. He couldn’t believe it, he _wouldn’t._

Guy’s eyes were wide open, the piercing blue a stark contrast to the crimson soaking his face.

“No…” Juno felt very small, and suddenly he was back to the child he had been. Starving, begging on the streets of Seattle, the wind piercing his skin, stinging his eyes – even though that was only half possible anymore. He shrunk back into himself, his breathing uneven. _Slow down… deep breaths…_ He pulled the chair he had been sitting on up from its position upside-down on the floor, and sank into it, trying desperately to regain some composure, stuffing his gun back into its holster. 

_Ah, fuck it._ He gave up, and stumbled into the kitchen, searching for a bottle of alcohol that hadn’t been smashed. He found a half full bottle of rum, and a pitcher that wasn’t completely destroyed, poured himself the largest glass that the remnants of the pitcher would allow, and drank it all in one gulp. He went to pour himself another, when he heard a strange noise, like the whirring of gears, from outside the building.

Immediately on guard, Juno set the bottle and glass down on the counter and, wiping his left eye with his sleeve, drew his gun again, training it carefully on the window. If whoever had killed Guy had decided to return, Juno would make sure they wouldn’t live to regret it.

The sound came again: _Whir… thump!_

Juno moved for cover behind the overturned kitchen table, breathing hard.

_Crash!_

A flash of yellow, and a man fell in through the empty window frame with a cry, landing spread-eagled on the carpet immediately behind Guy. Juno heard a faint “ _Ow…_ ” and he shuffled closer to the open door between the living room and the kitchen.

The man sat up rubbing his head, trying to get his bearings. He looked up at Guy, and his jaw dropped, “ _Bloody hell…_ ” He cautiously stood up and peered over Guy’s body, eyes wide with some mix of abject horror and fascination, and reached a hand out to touch the sword. Juno reacted before he could stop himself:

“ _FREEZE! Step away from him right now!_ ” He yelled, gun pointed directly at the man’s head.

His arms shot up and he backed away against the wall. “No please! Don’t shoot me! I swear, I didn’t – I didn’t see _anything!_ ” He stammered, eyes wide.

“Did _you_ do this?!” Juno snarled, gesturing to the dead man, “Did _you_ kill Guy?”

“W-what? No I- I… _did you?_ ” He looked like a deer in headlights.

“What?! Then… _who are you? Why are you here?_?” Juno looked incredulous, pointing his gun harder for emphasis.

The man inched his way towards the window, back flat against the wall. “My name is Dirk – Dirk Gently, I’m – I’m a private detective! I was just investigating-” 

“ _INVESTIGATING?!_ This… _thing_ has barely even _happened_ yet! How could you possibly be investigating… _this?!_ ” Juno’s voice was becoming more unstable, and his hand was beginning to shake again.

Dirk swallowed, still sliding along, and dropped his voice to an anxious near-whisper, “Could you perhaps… put the gun down? It’s _terribly_ distracting.”

Juno didn’t move.

Dirk nodded to himself, “Right, yes, of course. Listen, I think it would be best for the both of us if you, maybe, took a moment to _calm down_ a little, and-”

“This is as calm as I am gonna _get_ , got it? I’m going through… _a lot_ right now…” Juno said through gritted teeth, willing his hand to stop shaking

_Would you like me to take control?_

“Oh, shut up, Thea – I really don’t need you in my head right now!” Juno growled, forcibly shutting his right eye. The action, in reality, was pointless, but at least he could pretend to have some power over Thea.

_Good lord. He’s mad_. Dirk thought to himself. His hand finally reached the edge of the window frame, and he launched himself through it, using Juno’s momentary distraction as cue to leave.

“WAIT!” Juno yelled after him. _Shit! I’ve fucked this up so badly…_

Another voice came from outside: “ _Dirk! What the hell are you-? Okay just… drop ok? It’s only the second floor!_ ”

Dirk’s voice came in reply: “Not a _chance_ – It’s still _much_ too far for that!”

“ _Look I’ll… I’ll catch you just – drop!_ ”

Juno ran to the window, and looked down to see Dirk hanging by his fingertips from what looked to be a window cleaner's platform, yelling at another man below him, who spotted Juno in the window: “Who the hell is _that?!_ ”

Dirk swung his head back up to look directly into the barrel of Juno’s gun and screamed.

At that exact moment, the platform gave way, and the platform tumbled to the ground, taking Dirk with it. The metal frame landed on top of the two men, knocking them out cold.

The sudden silence seemed to rip all the tension from Juno’s body, and he released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. After a moment, he fumbled for the phone in his pocket, and dialed:

“Rita? Could you pick something up for me?”

“Boss… you got any idea what time it is?!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know… _please_?”

“Awright _fine_. Whatcha need?”

“Bring the car round to the Castle Building – 26th street in Springsborough. And hurry – I’m not sure how long they’ll be out for.”

“Sure, no pro- wait, ‘THEY’? Boss, what did you _do?_ ”

Juno rubbed his eyes, “Honestly? Nothing at all.” He felt very tired, but he knew his night was far from over. He took one last look at Guy, and, staggering, made his way out of the apartment.

 

*

 

Dirk’s head swam, and he groaned. His cheek was pressed against something cold and his head throbbed. He caught sight of something moving in his peripheral vision, and squinted in the pitch black, to see Todd in a similar position to himself.

“Hiiii Todd…” He slurred, still dizzy, pushing himself up into a sitting position. Todd came to, coughing a little, and grimaced at the pain, his hands shooting up to his torso. 

“Ow… Hey Dirk.” He winced. Talking hurt. He felt like he’d cracked a rib. What the hell had they been doing again? Todd tried to get an idea of the space they were in. It was almost completely dark, but a little amber light glowed in from a grating, high in the back corner of the room, revealing wall to wall shelves of what looked like broken TVs and computers. He hoped they were only in a basement, and nothing more sinister. They didn’t seem to be tied up, but given that he currently hurt too much to move, they’d have to just wait it out.

A light was flicked on, and shone directly into their eyes. “Nice of you two to finally show up.” A voice came from behind the light. Confused, they peered into it.

“Oh. It’s you.” Dirk sighed, recognizing the voice, and then furrowed his brow, “Who are you exactly?”

“Juno Steel. Private eye.”

Dirk’s face lit up, “Another detective! So pleased to meet you – I’m-”

“Dirk Gently. I know, you said.” Juno’s voice was low and monotonous.

Dirk gulped, “Listen, I can assure you this is all a _grave_ misunderstanding, and-”

“Save it.” Juno replied, coldly.

Todd finally seemed to wake up properly, and turned his head to Dirk, looking more annoyed than anything else. “Hey, yeah, quick question: what the fuck is going on?”

“Well, I _think_ that this detective believes that I – or, I suppose, both of us are in some way responsible for the death of some guy in that flat.” Dirk answered nonchalantly, as if Todd had just asked him about the weather forecast.

“Not ‘some guy’ – _GUY_.” Juno snapped. He took a deep breath. “Guy Farquharson. He was… an old friend.”

Todd blinked at Juno, “Wait – Guy _Farquharson_? The author?” Juno gave no reply, but breathed out harshly through his nose. Todd took this as confirmation. “ _…Shit._ ” He stuttered on, “Listen, Juno, man – we had like… no idea Guy even _lived_ there, and we’re not killers… so...”

“Psst, Todd,” Dirk leaned into him, “Who is Guy Farquharson?”

Todd looked back at Juno, and gestured, pointedly, to Dirk’s bemused face. “See?” He gave a slight nervous laugh, “He- he doesn’t even know who Guy is!”

“Look, the police are gonna be here any minute. Quit acting dumb and tell me why you were _really there._ ” Juno sounded exasperated.

“No they’re not.” Dirk said, quickly. “The police aren’t coming.”

This completely threw Juno off-guard, “W-what did you just say?”

“They aren’t coming because you haven’t called them.” Dirk narrowed his eyes into the light at the vague outline of Juno’s figure. “You don’t trust them, or – no, perhaps they don’t trust _you_. Either way, there is definitely some history of severe mistrusting – perhaps a misunderstanding? Or a _mistake_? Or a-”

“Stop it.” Juno said. His voice sounded dangerously close to breaking. He advanced slowly, until Dirk could just about make out the lower half of his face. A scar that ran across his nose was twisted as he snarled: “Who the _fuck_ are you? What do you know about me? Did someone hire you?!”

Todd interjected before Dirk could dig himself deeper into his own grave. “He doesn’t know _anything_ , really. The sheer volume of stuff he doesn’t know would… _amaze_ you.”

Dirk smiled at him affectionately, “Aw… thanks Todd!” He took it as a compliment.

“Oh, gimme a _break_. Don’t even try. What do you know about me and the police? You said you were a detective… are you investigating me?”

Dirk began, “Well, that depends-”

“No.” Todd cut him off again, “We’re not.”

“Then how do you know so much about me?” Juno furrowed his brow.

“We don’t.” Todd sighed, “It’s… complicated.”

“Well.” Juno sat down cross-legged opposite them on the floor. “Start talking. I got all night.”

Todd looked at Dirk, and Dirk looked at Todd. The whole ‘pull of the universe’ spiel never went down particularly well with anyone. Even Todd had been _extremely_ skeptical – down right dismissive – when Dirk had first entered his life. 

Dirk swallowed, “Right, so – I said I was a detective. That was the truth, but strictly speaking, I’m a _holistic_ detective.”

Juno raised his eyebrows. “ _’Holistic’?_ ”

“The ‘interconnectedness of all things’.” Todd added. “Dirk can… feel these connections in the universe. Make sense of them. It also means he’s scary good at figuring people out. When the universe thinks he needs to.”

Dirk beamed, nodding excitedly.

Juno said nothing, and looked carefully over the pair of them, examining them. They were both still squinting in the make-shift interrogation light he had set up. True, they didn’t look like killers – they didn’t look like much at all really, but there was something about the way they both seemed far too at ease with the situation that set Juno on edge instead. _Well,_ he thought, _they don't look armed-_

_No weapons detected._

“Thanks, I think I got that, Thea.” He murmured, sarcastically.

Dirk’s eyebrows twitched, and he opened his mouth to say something, before Todd jabbed him in the ribs.

“I’m not crazy, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Juno exhaled, and pushed the lamp so it tilted away from their eyes. They both relaxed, blinking a few times to readjust. More of the room was visible now – it was a mess, covered from floor to ceiling in pieces of broken tech and wires, empty cans and chip packets. Juno stood up to stand over them. Dirk looked up to inspect him more closely, and audibly gasped.

“You have a _robot eye?!_ ” His face lit up.

“Yeah, that’s the Thea. Top of the line cybernetic.” Juno rubbed the back of his neck, subconsciously squeezing the eye shut. His tone was dull, approaching mocking.

“So you… talk? To your _eye_?” Dirk was still staring at him like he was a touch insane, which, given Juno’s albeit brief impression of him, seemed a little rich.

“No I– it’s got an _A.I. chip_.” He snapped back, annoyed. “It talks to me, and I tell it to shut up.” He grunted, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Wait, wait… gimme a minute.” He considered their words, “So… when you mentioned me and the police – that was, what, the universe telling you that?” He shook his head, “Bullshit.”

“Oh, because a super-technological-A.I-robot-thingy-ma-jig makes _so_ much more sense.” Dirk replied, quietly.

Todd prodded him in the side, “ _Low blow, man. Quit poking the bear._ ”

Juno was quiet for a long time. Dirk drummed his hand against his leg nervously, waiting for the inevitable dismissal. Juno licked his lips, deep in thought. “This… connectedness thing… does it… work?”

“Absolutely!” Dirk answered, pleasantly surprised at the comparatively positive reaction he was getting for once. “Well, most of the time. Sort of. Arguably.” He settled for.

Juno closed his eyes. _Oh man, I’ve really lost it this time_. “Okay. So since we’ve already established that I’m not planning on going to the police with this-” He paused. _Shit, I’m really doing this_. “… What would you say if I suggested we… work together on this?”

“Wait so-” Todd butted in before Dirk could answer, “You’re just… not gonna tell the police like, at _all_? Aren’t there, I dunno, _laws_ , against that, or something?”

“Honestly? I’ve broken worse.” Juno shrugged. Todd squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. It was going to be one of _those_ cases.

Dirk practically jumped up and stuck his hand out for Juno to shake. “It’d be our pleasure, Juno.” 

Juno shook, already regretting everything about this situation. “Okay, I think we should head back to that apartment.”

“Whoah, whoah…” Todd stood up, leaning on the wall behind him to help, and Dirk moved to support him, placing Todd’s arm over his shoulders. “Could we take just a while to recuperate a little? I think I’ve cracked a rib.” He added, tentatively touching his chest with his free hand and wincing slightly. Dirk looked over him with a mixture of guilt and concern. He himself was, save for the bump on his head, completely unharmed.

“Don’t worry, you haven’t. I had the Thea scan you over for any serious injuries and… believe it or not, you’re both almost entirely unscathed.” He paused, and closed his eyes, “Look, Guy is… was someone who meant… who meant _a lot_ to me. The longer we leave this, the more likely it is the police get involved before we can-”

Juno’s phone rang, and he visibly paled when he saw the caller ID. _Too late_. He answered: 

“Hey… Captain Khan! How are y-?”

“ _STEEL!_ ” The voice on the other end yelled, and Juno held the phone at arm’s length. “ _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!_ ”

“Oh, y’know, just in bed, at home-”

“ _BULLSHIT! We called yer home number six times already!_ ”

Juno decided it would be best if he continued to play dumb. “My mistake. I never answer that – too much telemarketing shi-”

“ _Get yer ass down – or should I say_ back _to the Castle Building. And hurry up for once in yer life._ ”

“I’ll be right there, Captain.” He muttered back and hung up. He looked back at Dirk and Todd. “Well. So much for not getting the police involved, I suppose.”

Todd considered him, “Do you want us to… come with you?”

Juno shook his head. “You’ll only put yourselves in more trouble. I can explain why I was there, and I’m gonna take a punt and say that you guys _can’t._ ”

The two side-eyed each other. “... Well, not _easily_.” Dirk grumbled.

“You two should head home. Here-” He pulled an old receipt out from one pocket, and a pencil from another, and scribbled down his number. “Call me in the morning. That is, uh…” He paused, checking the time on his phone, “… _Later_ in the morning.” He handed Todd the paper, and Dirk held out a business card.

“Thanks for trusting us!” He grinned as Juno took the card.

“I don’t. But I trust the police even less.” Juno mused. “C’mon, I’ll see you out.”

They tip toed around the mess, and up a staircase. They emerged into what appeared to be a relatively standard suburban home. They heard a voice call from another room:  
“Mistah Steel? You done down there?”

“Yeah… sorry I had to call you so late, Rita. We’ll be going.” Juno called back.

A young woman appeared in the doorway, her eyes magnified by her thick round glasses. She gasped when she saw Dirk and Todd. “Ain’t these the guys what you picked up? They ain’t dangerous?”

“No. Don’t worry about it.” Juno hurried them out the door before Dirk could give her a business card. They stepped out into the street, the lamps giving everything a sepia tinge. It was so cold they could see their breath. 

Dirk shivered, and subconsciously pulled Todd closer for warmth, “W-where are we?”

“Still in Springsborough. 12th street. That was my secretary, she lived close by so I brought you here. Well-” He gave a slight wave of his hand. “See you soon, I guess.” And he turned to walk back to the Castle Building, hands deep in the pockets of his long brown coat.

“What d’ya make of him?” Todd’s voice was very near, and Dirk became aware of the position they were still in. His reply caught in his throat, but luckily Todd didn’t notice the vaguely strangled cry that came out instead.

Todd answered his own question, “I think he’s hiding something, I mean - what was _up_ with him and the police?” He turned his head to Dirk, who shrugged.

“Something convoluted, I’m sure. We should… go home. You need rest.” Dirk smiled, giving Todd’s arm a reassuring pat. They made their way to a busier street and flagged down a taxi. It was a miracle they found one at this time of night, but miracles tended to flock to Dirk like seagulls to a pier. 

Dirk was uncharacteristically quiet for the short ride back to the Ridgely, fiddling with the many zips on his jacket. He spoke up, seemingly out of nowhere: “I think I trust him – Juno that is.”

Todd rolled his eyes, “Well no big surprises there. You trust everyone first time you meet them.” 

“I don’t _always_ trust people first time!” Dirk protested. “Especially not if they try to hurt me.”

“ _I literally threw a shoe at you, and punched you in the jaw_.” Todd reminded him.

“… Okay, I see your point. But you were an _exception_ , of course.” He chuckled, not registering the words he was saying until, well, he’d already said them.

Todd narrowed his eyes, “I was? How come?”

“Er – you know, cos I’d already _technically_ met you? Time loop business, and all that. Besides, looking back on it…” He scrambled for words, “… Breaking into your apartment was… possibly not the best first impression.”

Todd chuckled again and groaned, “Quit making me laugh.”

 

*

 

Juno approached the Castle building for what seemed like the millionth time that night, a feeling of dread spreading from his gut into every inch of his body. Khan was talking to a group of forensics experts, but waved them away when he saw Juno.

“Steel, you son of a _bitch_ what did you do?!” A vein in Khan’s head looked ready to burst.

“No need to be rude Captain.” Juno refused to meet his burning gaze. “And… I know you’re not going to believe me when I say this, but for _once_ , I honestly did _nothing_.” He felt tears pooling in his left eye, and looked at his feet. “I did _nothing_ …” He repeated, to himself.

“Well, as much as I’d love to believe ya, evidence is sayin’ otherwise.” He held up a plastic evidence bag containing a pair of gloves. Juno’s gloves. _Fuck. Forgot ‘em again._

“These look… familiar, Steel? ‘Cos they’ve got yer name in them.” Khan raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not denying I was there, Captain. I was there and then I… wasn’t. Not when it mattered.” He was still talking half to himself. “I left, and then I came back and he was…” He gave a tight smile. “Well. I’m sure you’ve been up there.”

“Anyone verify that?”

Juno gritted his teeth, “No. But since you wanna talk about evidence, Khan, then how about I do your job for you and explain some of it for you.” He stuck his hands out. “Fingerprint me. Look for prints on the sword. They won’t match. You don't even need to take mine again, unless your database has crashed out as much as the rest of the force has.”

Khan opened his mouth to respond, but Juno wouldn’t let him. His voice was cold and cynical, “Oh, and before you try to bring those gloves into anything – if I’d stabbed him while wearing them, then they’d be covered in something… oh what was it…” He felt a rage building in him, “Oh yeah – _blood_. There was no shortage of that was there. And lastly – motive. Could you please explain to me exactly _why_ I would go out of my way to murder the only man who _ever_ acted like a real parent to me?!” He was breathing hard. Khan was staring at him open mouthed.

“... Steel, I-”

Juno continued, “No. No more. I’m going home, and unless you’re gonna try to arrest me on these flimsy pieces of shit, then you’re not gonna stop me.” He swung around before Khan could see he was crying, wiping his eye on his sleeve under the guise of running a hand through his hair. _Well Dirk, you got one thing right,_ he mused, _the cops don’t trust me. One bit._


	2. Frostbite, and all that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for not updating in... god, almost a year, but I've finally got round to writing more (so, yay!)

_“Get a taste ‘a that down you. Life’s blood, that is.”_

_“When d’you think we’ll know it’s worked?”_

_“Can’t you feel it already?”_

 

Earlier that evening

 

It had started off as a normal evening. Dirk and Todd were _supposed_ to have been building furniture they had bought from Ikea the previous weekend to fit out the newly repaired apartment. Instead, Dirk was watching TV, lounging around on their new sofa – still in its plastic covering – while Todd was heating up something vaguely edible in the microwave.

“Hey Todd! Come look at this!” Dirk called him over to watch the news, and sat up, suddenly very alert.

_“Multiple reports are now confirming that a priceless 17th century ruby amulet was among the haul stolen only hours ago from Boston’s Museum of Culture. The local police are currently questioning the museum’s security team, as well as the head curator-”_

Dirk hit the mute button, and spun round to face Todd, somehow even more animated than usual.

“See?!” He jabbed his finger at the screen. The plastic sofa cover made a crunching sound to punctuate his movements.

Todd looked confused, “… See what?”

Dirk gave a melodramatic sigh, “You said the only thing stopping us from getting involved with the investigation into this mysterious jewel thief was the fact that they seemed to be operating entirely inside the UK, _so…_ ” He made a circling motion with his hand. Todd didn’t respond, so he finished his own sentence, “So, now that they’re working in _America_ , we can-”

“Wait – what makes you think it’s the same guy? You’ve got no – oh.” Todd shook himself, “Right, yeah, you don’t do proof. I still don’t see why we’ve gotta get involved, though.” He took a swig of the beer he was holding.

Dirk shrugged, “Call it doing my patriotic duty.”

Todd nearly choked on his drink. “ _Patriotic-?!_ No, forget it. I’m not gonna ask.” He turned away to go back to watching clock tick down on the microwave.

“A hunch, then. Come on, Todd – it’s a new case, I can just feel it, aren’t you excited?”

Cases with Dirk were exciting, sure. Also painful, destructive, and borderline disastrous. “I’m… cautiously optimistic. Robbery… robbery seems too _normal_ for you. Even if this thief is almost completely undetectable. And has struck over a dozen different places. Now on two continents…” Todd turned around, eyes wide with horror, “Oh God, this case is gonna be the weirdest one _yet_ isn’t it?!”

“So you’re on board?” Dirk leaned over the back of the sofa.

Todd raised an eyebrow, “Doesn’t look like I have a choice.”

Dirk narrowed his eyes, his demeanour darkening a little. “Todd, I don’t want you to think that-”

The timer on the microwave went off, making them both jump, and the moment passed. Todd pulled the food out and Dirk went over to grab his share, and sat down at the breakfast bar.

“Oh great. Time to nearly die of food poisoning again.” Todd muttered, “Remind me why we don’t just buy fresh food?”

“What? Are you getting tired of reheated pizza?” Dirk grinned, and Todd rolled his eyes, sitting down next to him.

“God, how do you manage to stay so skinny when this is like, all you eat?”

“What can I say, it’s a gift.” Dirk’s expression changed to one which Todd knew meant their ‘quiet night in’ was about to get significantly less so. “Now, about the case: I think we need to act fast. Where’s the nearest museum?”

“Whoah, slow down – the thief isn’t gonna be in Seattle anytime soon. According to that report, they were in Boston only a few hours ago. There’s no need to rush anything.”

Dirk considered this, “Maybe. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to at least scout out the area a little, would it?”

Todd gave him a tired look, but he didn’t feel like this was up for debate. “Urgh, fine. Lemme finish my toxic pizza first.”

Dirk beamed, “Right you are.”

*

The pair left the Ridgely at around 8:30. Neither of them had a car in working order, so walking was the only option.

“We’re lucky the museum’s so close by. I guess Patrick Spring really did think of everything when he built this place.” Todd mused, “It’ll be closed by now, though.”

“That’s fine. Better, even.”

Todd looked at him suspiciously, “Dirk, I respect you, and your methods, but I’m not _breaking into-_ ”

Dirk laughed, “No! I meant, well, crimes normally happen at night, right? Why would the thief strike while the museum was full of people?”

“… You know, you’re actually making sense for once.” _Not that there are gonna be any crimes happening tonight,_ he thought to himself. He peered ahead, “Ah, there it is. Museum of European History.” He stopped, and faced Dirk. “So, what now?”

Dirk thought for a second, making a clicking sound with his tongue, before his eyes widened. “A stakeout! Just like in those movies!”

“We’re gonna… stakeout a museum… that for sure isn’t going to be hit for at least another day or so – and that we’re not sure is gonna be hit _at all?_ ”

Dirk grinned at him, and he already knew the answer. “ _We’re meant to be here_ , Todd. I know it.” He glanced around at the various buildings around them, “Now I’m not exactly an expert on stakeouts, but I believe a rooftop is a truly optimum choice for a location?”

Todd shrugged, “Go for it. How about this one?” He gestured to the Castle Building, “Looks like it has the clearest view.” They walked over to it and tried the front door. It was, of course, locked.

“Oh hey – what about this?” Dirk pointed to an old contraption which looked like a window cleaner’s platform. Todd gulped. He felt like it would break apart even under just the weight of his gaze, but Dirk was already climbing onto it, investigating the rusted controls. “Come on, Todd – let’s go!”

Todd raised his hands in front of his chest, “That… thing doesn’t look strong enough to hold us both at once. I think I’ll watch from ground level.”

Dirk looked a little disappointed, but nodded and set about poking randomly at the panel. Eventually he hit the right button, and the gears screeched as they turned, pulling the platform up in gradual, shuddering motions. Dirk yelped and crouched to try and keep his centre of gravity low. 

Suddenly, the platform jerked upwards, and Dirk lost his balance. He tried to lean onto the wall of the building, but his hand passed through an open window frame, and he tumbled in through it. 

He hit his head on something hard, groaned, rubbing his forehead as he sat up.  
His first thought was: _Wow, what a mess._

His second was: _Blood._

Third: _Sword._

He stood up, open mouthed, gazing at the body, which was the source of both the sword and the blood.

“ _Bloody hell…_ ” He murmured, timidly reaching a hand out-

_“FREEZE! Step away from him right now!”_

 

The Next Morning

 

Todd’s head swam as his alarm called him back into the land of the living. Cursing, he hit snooze and attempted to roll over, but was met with a stabbing pain in his ribs. He groaned, and pushed himself up so he was sitting against the headboard. _Oh, right. That all actually happened._

He heard Dirk’s voice coming from the kitchen. Weird, it isn’t like him to be up early.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and shifted his weight onto them experimentally. The pain didn’t get any better or worse, so he shrugged to himself and made his way out. 

Dirk was chatting excitedly on his phone, his words animated by the tapping of his other hand on the counter top. He saw Todd emerge out of the corner of his eye, and swung round to give him a signature _'Good Morning!'_ grin. He covered pointed to the phone and mouthed _“Juno.”_

Todd nodded in response, and went about pouring himself some cereal.

“Yes – right. Um… how about the museum? Certainly. See you then.” Dirk hit end call, and exhaled deeply as he put the phone down on the counter.

“How is he?” Todd asked between mouthfuls.

Dirk shrugged, “Hard to say. Difficult person to judge. Seemed a little more open, though. Agreed to meet us to talk about the case. Said he’d meet up with us in a bit.” He narrowed his eyes, “What about you, your ribs?” He gestured to Todd’s chest, “It looked pretty painful.”

“I’ll live.” Todd grimaced, and Dirk felt a stab of guilt.

“I am sorry about that… sometimes I wish the universe could tell me things in ways slightly less _unpleasant_ for the people around me.”

Todd waved him off, “Don’t worry about it. You were right, though, weren’t you?”

Dirk looked very confused.

“If you hadn’t been going on about that thief for the past few weeks, we wouldn’t have gone to stake out the museum, none of this would’ve happened – oh, speaking of, what was that about the museum just now?”

“That’s where we’re meeting Juno!”

Todd looked puzzled, “But… why?”

Dirk grinned, “Well, we never did get to do our ‘stakeout’ did we?”

“I thought the universe was only pulling you there to get you to meet Juno.” Todd said, wryly.

“I suppose so…” Dirk deflated a little, “Shame about the thief, mind. Thought that would have made a nice change of pace from all the death and destruction.”

“Yeah well, I guess we both know the universe doesn’t do vacation time.” Todd went back to eating his cereal, and Dirk studied him closely. Sometimes, he wondered if this life affected Todd more than he let on. The man had a tendency to take the punches life threw at him without complaining, as some kind of continuous self-punishment, no matter how hard Dirk tried to convince him he had more than paid his debts in that regard. And sometimes, just occasionally, he sounded so resigned when he talked about their cases – like even if he _didn’t_ want to go on a case, there’d be no chance of actually getting away, so he may as well go willingly. 

Dirk tried not to think about how right he was.

“D’ya think we should call Farah?” Todd asked suddenly, breaking through Dirk’s fatalistic inner monologue.

“Um, yes, sounds like a good idea.”

Todd grinned, “Wonder what she’ll make of Juno.” A flutter of soft movement caught his eye through the window, “Oh hey, look.” He pointed.

Dirk nearly squealed with delight, “ _Snow_! Can you believe it, Todd?”

He blinked. “Well, yeah, I mean… Seattle in January… it’s not exactly unheard of.”

Dirk ignored him, practically sprinting to the door. “Come on, Todd! Let’s get out there!”

“Wait- What happened to calling Farah? And I’m still in my pajamas, man. Gimme a sec.” Todd practically inhaled the remainder of his cereal and moved back to his room to get dressed.

When he emerged, Dirk was wearing a long, multi coloured scarf with matching fingerless gloves. They clashed quite horrendously with his yellow jacket, and yet seemed to suit him perfectly. He was practically vibrating with excitement.

Todd couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “Dirk, have you never seen snow before?”

“Course I have! Not for a while, mind. Not since university. But even then, that was only the south of England’s poor excuse for snow – never like _this_!” He gestured wildly to the window. Todd had to admit, even for Seattle in January, there were pretty sizeable snow drifts.

Once outside, Todd immediately pulled his arms around himself, shivering in the cold. The wind was biting, and the flecks of snow it blew into his face felt like tiny daggers. Dirk, however, seemed unaffected.

“So…” Todd said through chattering teeth, “Where d’ya wanna go? There’s that park, like five minutes away, or-”

“I think we should go back to the Castle Building.” Dirk said, determinedly.

Todd blanched, “You- you wanna go straight back to the case? I thought you were all… excited for the snow?”

“I am!” Dirk tapped the side of his nose, conspiratorially, “Snow changes everything. New light, new day, new weather… new clues to be found!”

“Thought you didn’t find ‘clues’.” Todd grumbled. “Besides, won’t the whole place be crawling with cops? It’s like Juno said last night – we can’t exactly explain why we were there, so turning up now would just invite more and more questions.”

“Then it’s high time we got our own police officer on the case. She is still technically a deputy Sheriff, you know.”

“Yeah, for a town in a _different state._ ”

Dirk sighed, “Couldn’t you just call her? Please?”

Todd rolled his eyes, “ _Fine_.” He pulled the glove off his right hand and dialled her number. She picked up on the first ring.

_“Todd? Where the hell have you two been?!”_

Uh oh. She was meant to have come over last night, and they hadn’t told her…

“It was uh… a new case?”

 _“We go silent for months, and all of a sudden a new case appeared at 11 o’clock at night? Actually – never mind."_ He could picture her rubbing the bridge of her nose in exasperation. _"Let’s skip to the part where you just give me the details.”_

While Todd outlined the events of the previous evening, Dirk began wondering off in the direction of the Castle Building. Todd hissed at him to wait, and jogged to catch up.

_“So let me get this straight – this Juno person was the only other person present at the crime scene, locked you in a basement while you were unconscious, seems to have a problem with the police force, and now you’re working with him?”_

Todd exhaled, “Yup. That pretty much covers it.”

He heard some indistinct muttering that he suspected was very colourful in nature.

 _“Ok."_ She said, eventually. _"Where do I meet you and when?”_

“The Museum of European History. And uh, judging from Dirk’s walking pace, I’d say as soon as you can.”

“Got it. Bye, Todd.”

She disconnected with a beep.

*

They eventually made it back to where they’d been only a few hours ago. Dirk was right about the daylight giving a new perspective on the place, and Todd was wrong about it being crawling with police. They could make out the details of the building now - it was a red brick rectangular structure, like an old factory, with neat rows of black window frames on each face, and a flat stone roof with air vents protruding from it. The stark whiteness of the weather made it look absolutely desolate, like it should have been abandoned years ago.

“Hey.” Farah waved, walking over to them. “I called ahead. Said I had a ‘special task force’ coming in so you could get the place to yourselves.” She looked around them. “So… where is the enigmatic Juno Steel?”

Todd said, “Oh, he said he’d meet us at the museum. Guess he’s just not here yet…”

Dirk moved away from their conversation, looking up at the window he’d fallen out of, and down at the remains of the platform. It was nearly completely submerged in a snow drift, and he bent down to clear some of it off. His fingertips felt numb, and he was regretting not having worn gloves that actually covered his whole hand. Why on earth do people even _sell_ fingerless gloves? Surely that was the part of your hand you wanted to protect the most – frostbite and all that. He was still lamenting his poor choice in hand-wear when he felt something smooth and round brush up against his left hand. The metal was so cold, it practically burnt him, and he retracted his fingers instantly, hissing in pain. Cautiously, he began to dig at the snow either side of the object. It appeared to be a pendant of some kind – gold, by the looks of it, and on a chain of the same colour.

“Ha. Fingerless gloves, marvellous things.” He muttered triumphantly, stuffing it in the pocket of his jacket. Just then, he heard a crunching noise – footsteps in the snow, and he raised his head to see a man approaching him. He didn’t appear to have noticed Dirk was there, as his eyes darted all over the ground, seemingly searching for something. His face was almost entirely obscured by a large red scarf, and he had the hood of his parka pulled up over his head.

“Um. Are you alright there?” Dirk asked, pleasantly, standing up.

The man’s eyes shot up, wide with panic for just an instant, before his face settled.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” His voice was muffled, and Dirk couldn’t quite make out his accent. “I think I dropped something here – a pendant. A present for my wife.”

“Oh. Right. Um. Can’t help you there. Sorry.” _What?_ Dirk didn’t quite know what had made him lie, but it had definitely felt like the right thing to do.

A flicker of irritation passed over the man’s brow. “Hm. No matter I suppose.”

“Hey, Dirk!” Todd called out, coming over to them. “Who’s this?”

“I was just leaving. I thought I had dropped something here.” The man pulled the scarf even further over his face, and pushed past them, hurrying off down a side street.

Todd blinked. “Weird guy. Think he’s connected?”

Dirk snorted, “Todd, when it comes to my cases, a wasp that landed on my arm the previous Tuesday could be connected for all I know.”

“Is that a… yes?”

He made a non-committal gesture. “Come on, let’s get to the museum. I’ve always wanted to see a real mummy!”

“Dirk, this is the Museum of _European_ History. No mummies,” Todd grinned, setting off towards the entrance where Farah stood waiting for them.

He sulked, but followed along.


End file.
